tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33304725379256875452024-03-18T08:53:23.444-07:00Inelegant Unpremeditated LifeThe title pretty much sums it up - my life is far from elegant and most of the things I do are absolutely not premeditated. This is my awkward random life as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, niece, aunt, sister, and everyday philanthropist. Mostly unfiltered - so read at your own risk.Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-37972990177432514472017-11-11T02:26:00.001-08:002017-11-11T02:27:31.475-08:0010 minutes in my manic brain
I’m cycling into mania. I live with bipolar disorder. I want
to do all the things. I don’t want to sleep. I have a million FABULOUS ideas.
Why doesn’t everyone see how fabulous my ideas are and be part of them? Wait,
if I recognize it does that mean it’s not really mania? What if I’m just going
crazy? I should make presents for everyone.
Right now. At 1:45 am. No, I should clean. No, I Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-87239526694172641402017-03-14T00:01:00.001-07:002017-03-14T00:01:19.070-07:00Question: If; Answer: GratitudeI want to write more often, but if I wait for the perfect topic or the exact words to appear magically in my mind I'll just continue letting each day pass by with no words written.
When my mind is a blank canvas or a whirlwind of ideas that cause anxiety about settling on one, I'll pose and answer a question. Today's question is from If... (Questions For The Game of Life) by Evelyn McFarlane et Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-77768404814597019312016-05-25T19:35:00.001-07:002016-05-25T19:49:25.352-07:00And the wall came tumbling downI was irritated with something my husband had done. As usual. I seem to live in a semi-permanent state of irritation; it's something I'm working on with medication changes and better nutrition. I don't remember why I was irritated. Probably something silly.
Grumbling to myself as he opened the car door, I saw the sun glint off his wedding band. A simple rose gold band. And in that moment, I Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-74005013675199795612015-05-04T21:46:00.000-07:002015-05-04T21:46:45.831-07:00Over committed? Maybe a bit...
I sometimes over commit myself. Not often, really, because
I hate being a person who flakes or bails out on things. Struggling with
depression and anxiety more than usual lately, I try not to commit because I
just don't know what's going to hit me the day I'm supposed to do something.
Unfortunately, that mostly applies to social events. If something doesn't
involve personal interaction, sign me Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-53380073272806201582014-08-13T00:50:00.000-07:002014-08-13T00:50:08.206-07:00Jacque-In-A-BoxI fell asleep too early - overwhelmed by my day and lying naked in my bed. The price is being awake at midnight. The small moment of peace I felt in those moments gone, replaced by worn nerves and overloaded senses. The feel of the hair on my neck, the itch from sunburn and bug bites, the dog's coughing, the cat going in and out the cat door, the heaviness of the quilt, the ache in my jaw and Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-55784379446361742242014-08-07T05:47:00.000-07:002015-05-04T21:51:32.374-07:00Random Song LyricsI know I can't be the only one who starts to think or say or type something and immediately song lyrics pop in to finish the sentence? Or the lyrics just start playing in my head all on their own. Or I think something that isn't the exact same lyrics but in my head it goes to the melody.
What it looks like when I DON'T know the lyrics, the beat, the melody...
Trying to sing the male Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-12952997777959371792014-08-06T21:17:00.000-07:002014-08-06T21:18:19.746-07:00Who I Am...I've decided to start writing again. To not think too much about it. To not worry about what people think. Today is about me.
I am
a mom who has never loved motherhood but who loves my children with all my heart.
that person who doesn't believe people actually like me. I don't say "I don't know why she doesn't like me"; I say "I don't know why they want to spend time with me!"
someone whoAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-91131601170621017162014-05-21T08:59:00.001-07:002014-06-02T15:11:38.637-07:00Crazy Busy and Random Days
I haven’t written on my blog in ages. Why? A combination of
laziness and of wanting the perfect post (there is no such thing, by the way)
and of getting great ideas when I can’t really write them down and then
forgetting them when I can write them down.
But I decided I needed to get something posted, because that one on
being a cheater has been the first thing people see on my page for a Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-78025184161933660122014-02-20T20:30:00.000-08:002017-02-23T12:54:35.195-08:00Lessons from a Cheater
I’ve been a cheater. It’s not something I’m proud of. I’m
not going to try to justify it. I’m not going to give you my back story or
blame my exes or tell you why. But
listening to a friend’s story today, I thought of a few things I could share
with those who believe that they've met their soulmate as a result of an affair...
I seriously doubt that the person you’ve never
spent more Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-32348541691099932782014-02-04T16:04:00.000-08:002014-02-04T16:04:17.932-08:004 Tips on How to be a Good Customer
It doesn’t take a lot of effort to be a good customer.
Mostly just to be kind and considerate. Unfortunately in today’s world, those
aren’t widely abundant characteristics in customers. Here are some tips for you. I’m writing these
as someone who has worked fast food and retail and now volunteers at a coffee
shop during the closing shift.
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1. &Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-19397775122083860452014-01-03T23:11:00.001-08:002014-01-03T23:18:49.109-08:00Non-Disposable WordsI have disposable words and phrases. You know, those words I just toss out without thinking about them or sometimes without really meaning them. These words are easy to use. They cover a multitude of situations. They can be used to avoid an argument or appease someone.
I'm okay.
I'm good.
It's fine.
Awesome.
Cool.
Sure.
Oh, yah, I know what you mean.
And then there are my non-disposableAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-4551312592690688122014-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:002014-01-02T13:40:37.953-08:00Missing...I guess I started this post several months ago when Aaroneis started his blog, Pessimistic Optimism from Mr. Brightside, and wouldn't give me the address until I wrote my own post. But this one didn't get published and I stumbled upon it today and decided to go ahead with it. All of the first paragraph is still pretty true. Although I'm finding that maybe I just hadn't met the right person Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-59924226694242342662013-12-17T05:03:00.000-08:002013-12-17T05:03:17.879-08:00No more fairy talesAt 3 am my eyes popped open. This is unusual. My eyes rarely open fully before about 7 am. Even then I'm still stumbling around rubbing them and wondering how anyone is a morning person. I woke up thinking about someone I'm trying not to think about. Someone who, frankly, doesn't deserve any time in my thoughts at all anymore. Yet there he was. But there are no more tears, so I think that's good.Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-31520031264536639212013-11-30T02:11:00.001-08:002013-11-30T02:11:27.864-08:00Anxious InsomniacI have this image of myself banging my head against a window, slapping my hand against the window at the same time, saying "Can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep". Which then gets me thinking about that old Mervyn's commercial with the women saying "Open, open, open." And the two have nothing to do with each other - so it's just more of my randomness.
I had somewhat of an anxiety attack today. IAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-85529700589192225452013-10-22T15:30:00.000-07:002013-10-22T15:30:00.595-07:00Give Me Presents!
I love presents. Some of you are probably thinking, “Duh!
Who doesn’t love presents?” But I’ve discovered that there actually are people
who don’t enjoy presents that much. Or
they do like gifts, but they’d rather have something else from someone – like physical
touch or quality time or words of affirmation or acts of service.
Gorgeous roses I got last weekend.
I don’t only love Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-55399105191273162452013-10-17T17:00:00.000-07:002013-10-17T20:16:37.039-07:00What is Dating?
I’ve spent most of the last 22 years of my life married. I
got married at 17 (no, I was not pregnant) and we split up for good when I was
25. I was single for a year before moving in with the man who became my second
husband. We were together 12 years. This month was our 11th
anniversary, since we’re still married. We separated in the summer of 2012.
I was back in the dating game at 38. Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-32379310582267934452013-10-10T04:05:00.003-07:002013-10-10T04:05:56.847-07:00Words Can Break a SpiritWhat do you do when you're awake at 1:30 am, then still awake at 2:30 am? Apparently you read through old shit you should have deleted long ago. You feel that pain all over again. Your finger hovers over the delete button but you don't quite bring yourself to press it. That document of over 1000 horrible text messages? You KNOW it's time to let go of it, but you just can't seem to do it. Partly Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-88462588754138614972013-10-09T17:05:00.000-07:002013-10-09T17:05:00.173-07:00He's an Alpha Male
In the past I’ve known a few guys who referred to themselves
as alpha males. Those guys were
passive-aggressive, or just plain aggressive, pushy, bossy, often sexist men.
So last December/January, when a new guy friend described himself as an alpha
male, my hackles rose a bit. Then a bunch of crap happened in my life, we
stopped talking for awhile, and I didn’t get the chance to really getAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-13912422080675846542013-10-02T00:34:00.001-07:002013-10-02T00:46:45.465-07:00All I Want for ChristmasI got online to write about my horrible Saturday morning. Truly one of the saddest, loneliest experiences of my life. But I can't write about it yet. Then I thought I'd write about changing my ignition coil MYSELF but wasn't feeling that either. So I decided to start early on this year's Christmas (my least favorite holiday) wishlist.
Last year my wish list included going to Hawaii, having LasikAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-48762374719257579652013-06-26T21:24:00.004-07:002013-06-26T21:24:40.228-07:00Remembering, Part Two - Happy MemoriesMy last post may have made it sound like I had a bad childhood. I really didn't. I never doubted that I was loved. I wasn't abused or molested as so many people seem to have been. I was just a nerdy, not-so-rich kid who was easy to pick on and maybe didn't have much in the way of role models. Today, I remember the happy and funny times.
I remember running down the street screaming my head Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-4174468065050746762013-06-26T10:58:00.000-07:002017-02-23T13:13:52.911-08:00RememberingMostly I try not to remember. Why is it the bad is so much clearer than the good? But sometimes, sometimes all the memories rush in at once.
I remember starting school in 5th grade and being made fun of pretty much from day one. I was a straight-A, teacher's pet, nerdy little thing whose clothes were very different from everyone else. I also didn't know what a cherry was (climbing the slide Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-28517699590540239332013-05-27T19:17:00.001-07:002013-05-27T19:25:52.013-07:00Random (not Anonymous) Acts of KindessI've been trying to convince myself to start writing again. But the words don't seem to flow. My life is a roller coaster ride - not really anything new there - but so much of what is happening I can't write about. And I don't know how to write about anything other than my life, as boring as that might be to some. So my blog has sat mostly dormant.
And then I get an email that E.C. StilsonAwkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-65156048963249487782013-03-25T21:49:00.005-07:002013-03-26T09:07:34.806-07:00Monday Madness: Dresses, Sparkle, & Annoying WorkoutsOh what to write about? Nothing particularly exciting is going on. I splurged (well it was actually a birthday present but I was going to splurge) on a FABULOUS black somewhat vintage looking dress over the weekend. I'll post pictures when I get red shoes to match and have my hair and make-up looking at least decent.
This is nothing what my dress looks like - I just think this is gorgeous. You Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-74359830073074969752013-03-12T21:16:00.001-07:002013-03-12T21:16:22.144-07:00Let's Raze This DumpYou know those people who can't stand the idea of their parent(s) selling the house they grew up in? Who look forward to going home once in awhile? I am not one of those people.
I'm sitting in my dad's living room right now, in the house we moved into when I was in the 5th grade, and I wish I had the money to have this place completely dozed and build him something from scratch. 28 or so years Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3330472537925687545.post-68498814569382166902013-03-01T08:58:00.001-08:002013-03-01T08:58:15.942-08:003 Cute Policemen & a 3:30 Wake Up
It’s Friday and I’m only working a four hour day – which should
be cause for celebration, but this Friday has not gotten off to a great start.
I got to bed at midnight. It seemed I had just fallen asleep
when I heard a banging at the door. My
first thought was, “Dammit, the neighbors are at it again” and the noise must be
coming from them. It wasn’t. My next thought was “Urchin and Awkward and Randomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01128210702881671974noreply@blogger.com4