All I Want for Christmas

I got online to write about my horrible Saturday morning. Truly one of the saddest, loneliest experiences of my life. But I can't write about it yet. Then I thought I'd write about changing my ignition coil MYSELF but wasn't feeling that either. So I decided to start early on this year's Christmas (my least favorite holiday) wishlist.

Last year my wish list included going to Hawaii, having Lasik surgery, and getting a boob job. I did go to Hawaii and part of it was paid. I got the sleigh bed frame from that list. And I had lots of red wine over the 10 months. It also looks like I might get that stereo (with installation)!

One of about four pictures of me in Hawaii that isn't hideous.

I'm starting a little early with my daydreaming this year. All I want for Christmas is $5,800. I know, kind of random, right? Like why not $6,000 or $10,000? Because I did something I tried not to do. I caved and borrowed money from a friend to get through a rough time. Until I can pay that off, it's going to weigh on my mind every single day. Now don't be getting all pissy thinking said friend is hounding me about it or making me feel bad in any way. Not a word has been said. But it's eating away at me. Part of my problem is I didn't use it fully as intended - something else came up. A LOT has come up in the last 12 months. Sometimes I've been selfish and spent money I really couldn't afford and shouldn't have (trip to Hawaii anyone? new dress perhaps?) and sometimes it was things caused by others. But the fact is, I can't stand to owe anyone anything. Not a favor, a cup of sugar, and definitely not money.

I did consider trying to start my own business as an escort. But I'm a little old. Plus I have this thing about not breaking the law. And so on. Then I considered a second job. Now? Basically if wishing for it doesn't work (remember, that old saying? Wish in one hand...), the next plan is to buckle down on a tight budget and get shit paid off.

Now if someone wanted to throw in some stocking stuffers, I might suggest the following:

• Red wine. Old vine zin and merlots tend to be my favorites.
• Fuzzy socks. I can never have too many of these in the winter.
• Pitch Perfect on blu-ray or DVD. I'm not picky.
• Gift cards for waxing services. Have you not heard my rants about shaving vs Brazilian waxing and the fact that the after effects of shaving MUST BE what it's like to have crabs (which I've never had, thank gawd, so I don't know for sure). Horrible itching. Horrible.
• Such a Flirt body wash, lotion and body spray from Victoria's Secret. I've run out. If the bronzing lotion exists somewhere THAT would be really fabulous. (Last year I posted this on Twitter as Suck a Flirt, thanks to my phone. There is a VAST difference...)

Apparently the bronzing lotion that was my favorite part of this is impossible to get anymore. But I still love the rest.

P.S. I just remembered that all I wanted for Christmas in 4th grade was my four front teeth. No shit. They came in during fourth or fifth grade, finally, and then I had to go through speech therapy. Four or so years with no top front teeth gives a slight speech impediment.

P.P.S. No, those missing teeth had nothing to do with me saying things like "nekkid" and "wrastling" and calling soda "pop" when I moved to Cali my junior year. Thanks for remembering that, by the way.

NOW do you see why my blog is titled using words synonymous for random and awkward?!

Lasik, a boob job, and Hawaii - My Wish List

If you follow me on Twitter or are a FB friend or fan, you probably already know that Christmas is my least favorite holiday. And maybe you know how that came to be. I had a post on it once, but I think I got guilted into deleting it. I think I'll write another for Parent Society. I'll let you know. Anyway, that's not what THIS post is about.

For the past 16 years or so, every year has involved Christmas wish lists. Some years the kids wrote their own letters before I could even broach the subject; other years we all sat around the table doing Christmas crafts (hey now, don't laugh! I did actually used to be quite the crafting parent), coloring in a picture I'd printed from somewhere and writing in our lists. Sometimes we'd make a crazy, fun list first - all the things we wanted. But then we'd make more realistic lists. I would join in and try to set a good example by asking for inexpensive items, most of which were practical but also a few fun things. I'd also be sure to not ask for TOO many things.

We'd use a printable like this one from PrintActivities.com.
Color it in and write out our lists.

But I really like this one from SomewhatSimple.com

This year I'm not doing the wish list with the kids. I'm on such a tight budget that reading Hellion's list will just depress me further. She's 10 going on 17. She wants everything and none of it cheap.  She'll probably get some duct tape, a cutting board, and other craft type stuff. Pajamas, cuz that's a tradition! Phone case, iTunes gift card, stuff like that.  The other kids are 17, 19 and 19 (no, not twins). I guarantee I probably can't afford even one item on their wish lists. So it comes to down to that wonderful saying, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." It won't be much, that's for sure.

So, no list making with the kids. It's my turn to make a list of what I really want. Why? Because the fun is in the imagining!

Oh Hawaii, how I've always longed to visit...

1. An all expense paid week in Hawaii. This would include paying for my time off work, because I don't have enough vacation time to actually take a week off from work and still be able to pay my bills. All food, drink, air travel, lodging, and recreational activities would be included. Although I don't know that I'd want to do much recreation - sitting on beach drinking and eating for a week would be good enough!
2. A new stereo for my car, including installation (because it's not like I could figure that out on my own). It doesn't have to be too fancy - I just want to plug my phone in and play my music through it. 
3. A bigger TV. Mine is 32in. So, pretty much anything bigger than that. LED, 1080p.  Of course then I'd also need a stand for the TV or a wall mounting kit.
4. A new bed. Queen sleigh bed would be awesome. Maybe tempurpedic - but really anything good quality. 
5. Home theater system so I can listen to music on something other than my laptop and for good quality sound while watching movies. 
6. Lasik surgery. For reals. I hate waking up and not being able to see anything. Or being in the shower squinting at my leg. Plus if I were to actually go to Hawaii I'd like to be able to buy and wear sunglasses without having to worry about contacts or prescriptions.
7. A boob job. This is MY list. Let me dream. Yes, I'd like a boob job. My tube sock/deflated balloon looking boobs could really use some help. This would also be good to have before the Hawaii trip.
8. Wardrobe overhaul! Tossing out everything I own and starting from scratch. Good quality clothing that fits well.
9. Wine, wine and more wine. Red. Cuz, duh!

A bed like this one - the headboard slants back, the footboard isn't too tall.
This one is from City Liquidators.

I think that pretty much sums up this year's wish list. What's on your list? And please don't give me any of that "I just want my kids to have a good Christmas" or "It's not about gifts" crap. This is a time for daydreaming - for the fun, outrageous, ridiculous.

By the way, I was attempting to put together a Gift Ideas board on Pinterest with fun and unusual gift ideas for those special people in your life. But life got busy, work got busy, so it's not quite as developed as I'd like. You can check it out anyway...