Only a Friend

As you may have picked up from my last post on Best Friends or Frenemies, a lot has happened lately in my life. And it's involved losing some people I considered friends.

One particular "friend" didn't just give up when I needed her most - she went out of her way to create chaos in my life.  And her response when I finally voiced my feelings was "I was only a friend."

We'd been friends for awhile but mostly kept in touch on Facebook. We didn't talk on the phone, or text, or chat. So I guess I should have thought it was weird when in March she suddenly started calling and texting me. Asking questions about my life. But I didn't, and because things were such a mess, I welcomed the opportunity to have her to talk to about it.

When I look back at the texts, I can see the leading questions now. I see the signs. When I think about the other person involved in this I know I should have questioned their many conversations and their relationship. But I didn't. I shared my confusion, my guilt, my despair, my anger and my frustration with her. She told me I could tell her anything. That I could trust her. That she didn't judge, hated drama, didn't lie, and would always be there. I answered her questions. I told her my secrets and my fears. I asked her opinions.

And the entire time she was telling someone else every thing I said and several things I hadn't said. The amount of pain this person caused both of us is heart wrenching. A tense situation escalated to explosive proportions. The only thing that settled things down was the fact that I'd saved most of the texts and could prove that all the horrible things the third party had heard weren't in fact what I'd said.

That phrase, "I was only a friend", just won't leave my mind.  I can't imagine saying that to my friends. It's okay to hurt and betray me because you're only a friend and that other person is a sibling, relative, or spouse? It's okay to hide your relationship with someone I know because you're only a friend?  It's okay to use me to further that relationship, to make up lies that hurt that person and me, because you're only a friend?  It's okay to decide to finally side with that other person and send me horrible, nasty texts and then when the other person realizes what's been going on to give a fake apology to me? While still trying to sway the other person?

With the kind of friends I've realized I have lately, I sure as hell don't need any enemies!