Monday, March 25, 2013

Monday Madness: Dresses, Sparkle, & Annoying Workouts

Oh what to write about? Nothing particularly exciting is going on. I splurged (well it was actually a birthday present but I was going to splurge) on a FABULOUS black somewhat vintage looking dress over the weekend. I'll post pictures when I get red shoes to match and have my hair and make-up looking at least decent.
This is nothing what my dress looks like - I just think this is gorgeous. You can have this skirt by going to and paying $76.00. 
Also I originally saw this on Pacifiers & Pinups blog, so please go check it out!

Today I was in Small Town, CA,  in the middle of nowhere. At a customer site. Where I left sparkle everywhere I went. Everywhere: bathroom, chair seats, hallways, etc. I was slightly embarrassed when I realized the sparkle I was seeing all around had come from underneath my skirt.  The shorts I had put on to give myself a little sense of perkiness after little sleep last night & getting up at 5:30 am had BAD GIRL in sparkles on them. The sparkles didn't have great adhesive, so everywhere I went the sparkles were falling out from under my skirt to mark my path throughout the day. Fortunately the customers thought it was great - and up until I confessed had thought it was the work of someone's granddaughter, who apparently was always wearing or carrying something glittery.
This is just a lame and blurry picture of me trying to look sexy.
 I suck at selfies and look stupid in most pictures anyway.
If you could see the sparkles on the top, they're kinda like the ones I left all over my customer site today.
Getting home tonight I decided it was time to end the laziness and do some kind of workout. Except my workouts can't involve socks or shoes that cover the top of my foot, because of the A-MAZING tattoo I gave myself for my birthday. Well, not gave myself like I tattooed myself because that would be very sad looking, but that I paid for as my birthday present to myself.  Going through my workout DVDs I realized I've loaned out all of the good ones I actually enjoy and was left with a scratched copy of Jillian Michael's Yoga Meltdown; Carmen Electra's Strip to Fit (this is NOT a stripping workout - it's getting in shape for the stripping workout); Yoga Booty Ballet, Sizzling Salsa (not at all as sizzling as the name applies), and Fat Burning Yoga. I didn't think I could tolerate Carmen Electra in whatever kind of workout suit she's wearing (velour, velvet, I don't know. I do know it's long-sleeved and pants and who the fuck actually does a sweaty workout in that?!) or her attempts to make some of the exercises look sexy. I think I remember not liking Yoga Booty Ballet, although it's been like 5 years since I actually tried it. But I decided to go with Fat Burning Yoga. Which is a Crunch workout with Sara Ivanhoe. And I remembered that she is pretty much as annoying as Carmen Electra, but I was part way through the workout so had to finish. There's something about using "turn it up a notch" or "kick it up a notch" in a yoga workout that really bugs me. I'm also not sure I wanted to know that "Twists are good for digestion...You can really wring  yourself out." Although "To burn fat you have to do it, do it, do it" could really be applied to something much more fun than yoga, so I'll hold onto that phrase.

In summary, make sure the sparkle stays where it should before going out in public. Review your available options for workouts not requiring footwear before getting a tattoo. Carmen Electra and Sara Ivanhoe are annoying but their workouts will get your heart rate up and make you sweat (and there is a nicely toned man in Strip to Fit to help distract you from Carmen; or if you're a straight guy, you can just stare at Carmen's boobs to distract from the annoyance). Oh, and there's nothing like a downward facing dog in a boy shorts and a sports bra to bring you to the reality that you'd better keep this shit up because you're getting some serious cottage cheese thighs and that stomach is NOT looking pretty.

Sara Ivanhoe! Get this workout for as little as $8.99 on DVD
or $7.99 on VHS through Amazo
Carment Electra - buy this at Amazon on DVD for 10.99.
Be annoyed with me while working out.

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